yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
