It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
