sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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