i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
