is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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