I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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