2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
