drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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