I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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