9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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