I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
