you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
