Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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