did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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