god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
