whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
