what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
