I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
