I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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