i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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