I wish I only lived at night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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