So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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