so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
