9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
