Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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