Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
