Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
