Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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