I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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