so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
