I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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