We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Randomize
