what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
