he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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