Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love having hate sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
