This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
