I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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