Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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