it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Enjoy the penises
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
