I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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