Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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