The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
