Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
