Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
