There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
