just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
