I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
