so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
