I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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