did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
