Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
