Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
