i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dicks are not precious.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
