It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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