all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
