i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
