I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
