I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize