i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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