if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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