If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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