OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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