Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
