everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This house was built for laser tag.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
