On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
